Erm...

I was brought up in church. I am a very observant person and as a child I mimicked everything I heard and saw. People fascinated me. They still do. I loved watching and listening to people then and I love to watch and listen to people now.

I remember listening to the prayers of the adults around me and thinking, "Wow, those are some fancy words." and "One day, when I'm older I will be just as fancy shmancy with my prayers."

The prayers of the adults around me, almost always began, "Padre Altisimo, Que estas en los Cielos", translated, "Most High Father who dwells in the Heavens." That was just the beginning, the intro , the salutation. Can you imagine the rest of the prayer. I can tell you that it became more fancy as it went on.

I assumed, of course that eventually my prayers will become effortless and fluid and flow out of my mouth with ease and eloquence but I was wrong.

As I got older I was asked to pray before others, sometimes a small group, like my Sunday School class and sometimes a large group, like the entire congregation. I couldn't help but erm.. my way through my public prayers. I am an erm..ummer public pray-er. I can't help it.

I became frustrated that my prayers were not elaborate and eloquent and soon panicked when asked to pray publicly because I would end up sounding incompetent. My public praying is so different than my personal ones. I don't erm so much and sometimes not at all.

One day it just occurred to me that the reason for my ermming was because I was uncomfortable. I was thinking about who was around me and how to impress them with my words and not so much in the words and who I was talking to.

I thought I had to sound fancy in order to sound spiritual and that was the problem. I shouldn't have wanted to sound spiritual. I should have wanted to speak to God, to praise Him, to Honor Him, to ask of Him in faith with a sincere heart and without wanting to impress. Again, I had to forget about the words and meditate on who I was talking to. I had to erase from my mind the fact that there was anyone around me and have that intimate conversation with God. That's what prayer is.

Prayer is not a speech. It's more personal than that.

I still erm...um through some of my prayers both private and public but not for the same reasons, and not as much. I think God likes unrehearsed prayer because He like us to be ourselves and in being ourselves, sometimes, we are at a loss for words and sometimes we stammer a bit when we speak and sometimes the words are hard to find and that's okay, as long as we are praying sincerely.

We don't speak flawlessly to each other. We are human and at times during our conversations with others, it is difficult to put into words what we want to express. That's just the way it is.

So whether you are a public pray-er who speaks with fluency to God or one that erms your way through your talks with God, all that matters is that you are honest and you remember who you are speaking to and revere Him in your prayers.