Warning Do not read while eating
I went to Madison Avenue today to get my manometry done. The doc decided to do it in the office so I should not have to wear it for 24 hours.
Yay!
It was the most excruciating experience ever! BOOOOOO!
I would rather go through labor pains than go through what I went through today. I was told to get into the ever flattering hospital gown and get as comfortable as I could. I sat back and got comfy...whatever.
I was given a green stress ball and told to squeeze on it if I felt pain. An image of Civil War soldiers flashed before my eyes. I felt like I was being asked to bite on a piece of wood while my leg was to be amputated.
Okay, slight exaggeration.
I wondered if a shot of whiskey would follow.
The green ball was squeezed to death but what I really wanted to do was throw it at my doctor. That would have helped.
I was told I would be given Novocaine to numb me.
Goodie!
It didn't take.
Then a six inch (I kid you not) Q-tip smeared with said Novocaine was inserted into my nostrils over and over again until the numbing took effect. You would think with the huge nostrils I have that it wouldn't hurt, that it would be smooth sailing but it was not. Tears were streaming from my eyes. I tried to bear it.
Then the doc gave me a four ounce cup of water with a straw and told me to hold it while at the same time holding the useless green ball and staring straight ahead.
"Try not to wince or squish your face."
Really?
Are you serious?
After the supposed numbing effect took in... the real pain began.
A thick cable was inserted into my nose slowly and "mercifully" but it still hurt like heck. I felt it in my throat before I knew it. Then I was told not too swallow but occasionally I needed to and it hurt like heck. It felt like what I imagined a sword swallower would feel if the illusion was real. The doctor jiggled the cable slowly and took recordings. Numbers were called out and keys were punched into a computer. Then there was the tease, when, at times, they pulled the cable back a tiny bit only to push it further in. I was told to take a sip of the water and I gagged,then ....ready?
I threw up on my doctor.
Now I'm in pain and embarrassed. The doctor reassured me that it was okay. These things happen. I was told to take another sip and threw up again this time catching it with the hem of my hospital gown. I was resourceful but I was still embarrassed. Then The doctor took out a huge syringe filled with salt water and told me to swallow once and that did it. I threw up so badly and all over the place.I cried and did something I have never done before in my long history as a patient. I screamed for them to stop.
"Take it out!"
Hubby was in the waiting room so he didn't see any of this.
Thank God.
The doctor and his assistant removed the scope and apologized. They said they could imagine how difficult it must be especially because of the achalasia. Then I sobbed so badly. There was barf all over me, my face looked like crap as my mascara and makeup smeared. They told me it was over with such pity.
I wanted to kill them even if they were just doing there jobs. They left me alone to get dressed and I removed the soaked hospital gown and placed it in the bin provided for soiled linen. My jeans were wet with whatever leaked through the gown. I took the darn green ball and threw it in the linen bin too. Then, I noticed that the green ball had these words stamped on it; "This doesn't relieve stress"
I wanted to say no kidding Sherlock.
I couldn't stop crying and cringed at the thought of walking into the waiting room and giving my copay looking the way I did . When I walked out. Hubby's face said it all and then I sobbed and said, "I threw up" the receptionist said "Aw..that's okay. it happens Then I had to walk along Madison avenue East seventies with wet jeans and I couldn't stop sobbing. Then hubby asked if I was hungry and if wanted to go to the park. I almost laughed if I wasn't so angry and in pain. I told him I couldn't eat because my throat was sore!!!!!
We drove home
