All About Me

Warning: The Following is very narcissistic

When I taught second grade, there was a part of the curriculum called All About Me because seven year olds think of no one else but themselves. This is what they tell you in ed courses and curriculum workshops. I happen to think that is a little exaggerated. I think a seven year old could think and care about someone else. Anyway this isn't about seven year olds this is about me.

I tried to step outside of myself today and imagined what others thought of me. This reflection came about while I sat in church. The scripture reading was Luke 16:23 The rich man in Hades. I thought about the rich man in Hades for a bit. What did people think about him when he was alive.

When I looked up from my Bible I spotted Sister Margie looking at me, waving and smiling. Nice. I returned the smile. Then I started thinking about what she thought of me. I never spoke to her much but have known her since I was five years old. She was my Sunday School Teacher. Does she think I'm nice? Does she think I am super holy because I have been in church my whole life and because I am a pastor's wife? Does she think I am smart? This is not about me caring what other people think of when they see me it's more curiosity.

We all do it, we look at a person and make our assumptions about how we think the person is, what kind of life they lead, their likes and dislikes. We are sometimes surprised and this is a reminder for us not to make assumptions.

I never suspected my very conservative and demure friend, Jamaican Queen to be a Trekkie or Dad of twins to love R&B. A few teachers I have worked with would sit with me at yard and we would try to predict the futures of the children running around. We'd say things like,"He is going to work in construction. She will be in fashion design. He will need a therapist for the rest of his life. She will be a veterinarian." and so on.

What do I want people to think of when they see me? I want them to think I am smart. I want them to think I am trying to be a good Christian, a good mom, a good wife and a good friend. Not necessarily in that order. I want them to enjoy my singing and my art. But I don't want them to tell me to my face because it embarasses me. I want them to know that I am truly there for them if they are ever in need. I want them to know that I care even when it seems like I don't because I don't quickly react to their tears or rantings. I want them to know that I think about them a lot. I think too much my husband says. I think he's right but I can't help it.

A few years ago Beautiful Italian Mom Who Helps Boss was in distress and when she saw me she said,"Debbie, you are a praying woman ask St. Francis to help me find my wedding ring. I lost it." I quickly felt her distress and it took over me. This was soon after she lost her husband. So it was extra upsetting for her. When I went to the classroom it was all I could think of. Maybe she dropped it in the car, maybe she never put it on this morning. Maybe it fell down the drain!!! I prayed hard as I stuffed student folders and attended assembly and cut out scarecrows. Then there was a call for me on the intercom. "Ms. R please call the front desk." I immediately did and it was Italian Mom. "I found it, In the passenger seat of my car!"

I was so happy. I could carry on for the rest of the day without worry. Wow this seems like I am patting myself on the back but like I said I WANT people to think of me in the ways mentioned above.

I am just trying to be the best person I can be. Really. I can get angry (Don't laugh, I can). I cry too much about emotional things but won't cry when I am in pain. It takes a lot of pain to make me cry. I can be worrisome at times. I hurt very easily but at the same time I can be very, very strong. I can get hit by a van and not shed a tear but If you snap at me I become a big bowl of cry baby.

Many times people think I am reacting to something and they'll ask me what's wrong. I love people. I really do. I may be angry with them or irritated with them but I'll find something about them that reminds me of how they are still good. I think about my friends often and pray for their well being and their growth. I think of their comfort and pray that the changes in their lives are smooth transitions.

I try to eat but I am too embarassed to eat in front of my friends for fear of choking.

I am always surprised at my reflection in the mirror. It's never what I picture myself to look like.

I am an open book but believe it or not I have many, many secrets

I don't understand mean people. They hurt me even when their meanness is not directed at me. I love children but don't get too sappy about them. I mean cutesy. I talk to them as I would with any other person ,according to their level.

I miss my grandmother.

I cried at yard when my friend Welly moved away (We always had yard together)

I had more horrible experiences in my life before I was sixteen and after to devastate/ shatter. destroy the average human being.

I don't have super powers but I am resilient and resourceful.

I can't shake the belief that God Loves everyone not because I read it on a bumper sticker but because I feel it to be true.

I believe God knows that I am crazy and won't hold me accountable for my thoughts...sometimes LOL ...just kidding

I once took a test for geniuses that was taken at a book club. I didn't attend the book club meeting when the test was handed out. I was given the test the next day and scored very high which amazed the person who gave it to me because I got the answers alone in ten minutes when the book club members were divided into groups to do it and given more time. Don't be too impressed. I'm not bragging. I say this because I don't remember half of the things I am supposed to be so smart at.

I will ask a friend what "Equadistant" (sp?) means because I want to learn and then realize later on that I already knew what it meant.

I have read all of Shakespeares play but may recite four or five lines by heart and I have forgotten the plots of the plays but can suddenly remember what they are whenever my brain decides it's a good time.

I watched the Wizard of Oz over thirty times and know each line byheart.

I am a piler.I 'm clean and neat but I pile.

I can make a really good cup of coffee.

I can do a pretty good British accent.

I know a stupid amount of ridiculous trivia.

I can ramble on incessantly about myself and expect people to read my ramblings!!!